Shit Hole New Home Card - illustrated by David Shrigley
Here are the keys to your new shit hole <ahem> I mean new home! Get this card for the person who's moving into a "doo-er up-per!" and watch them (hopefully) giggle!
This funny new home card, illustrated by the subversive, award-winning artist David Shrigley, is printed in the UK onto thick, uncoated FSC board. It comes with a yellow envelope.
Card size: 12cm x 17cm
Current Stock: 11
We ship globally to all destinations serviced by Royal Mail.
Shipping costs for 1-2 cards:
| Service | Delivery time | Cost |
| Royal Mail 1st class | Not guaranteed. Normally 1-3 working days but can occasionally take longer | £1.20-£1.50 |
| Next Day Guaranteed (order by 11am Mon-Thu) | Guaranteed delivery before 1pm (a signature is required) | £7.00 |
| Saturday Delivery Guaranteed (order by 11am Friday) | Guaranteed delivery before 1pm (a signature is required) | £11.50 |
We ship orders daily, Monday-Friday (our daily cut off for posting out is 11am), except for Bank/National Holidays.
Royal Mail First Class
If you have placed your order before 11am on a weekday, your order will normally be shipped the same day. 93% of all Royal Mail first class post arrives the next working day, however this is not a guaranteed or tracked service and sometimes it can take a little longer.
Royal Mail Second Class
If you place your order before 11am on a weekday, your order will normally be shipped the same day. Second class post takes 2-5 days to be delivered. This is not a guaranteed or tracked service and mail can sometimes take longer to arrive at its destination.
Next Day Special Delivery (UK Only)
If you place your order before 11am (Monday-Thursday) and select Next Day Delivery, you order will arrive with your recipient, guaranteed, before 1pm the next working day. Please note that someone has to be in to sign for the package. This service does not operate on Bank Holidays or weekends.
FREE Postage
When you select the FREE postage option at checkout, your order will be sent by untracked second class Royal Mail.
Local Pick-Up
Local to Nottingham NG15 8HT and want to pick your order up from us? That's great! Please follow these instructions:
- At checkout, please type free shipping code: OnlyValidForLocalPickUp into the coupon box. If you use this code and you're not local, someone will contact you for postage costs before your order ships.
- Once your order is marked as dispatched you can pick it up from our address: 3, Olympia Way, Hucknall, NG15 8HT.
- Pick-up is available Monday, Wednesday and Friday between 5-7pm. If you need to pick up your order outside these times, please let me know as this can often be accommodated!
- We will bring your order out to you and maintain social distancing if the climate requires it!
- If you're a cheeky sausage and use the local pick up code and you're not local, someone will contact you for postage payment.
A signature is not required for deliveries apart from:
If UK customers order Next Day Special Delivery. A signature is required for this delivery. We may send orders over £60 by recorded delivery.
General Delivery Terms
Where possible, all our orders are dealt with on a daily basis, so turnaround for delivery within the UK will usually be within 3-5 days, often sooner. Europe delivery time should be 7-10 days and the Rest of the World delivery should be 2-3 weeks. All UK orders should be received within 21 days and International orders within 4 weeks. In the instance that an item is out of stock the customer will be informed and given further options.
For more in-depth shipping and returns info, please visit Shipping and Returns
Will a person actually hand-write my card?
Yes. Your card will be carefully hand-written by me, in black ink and my neatest joined-up writing.
Where do I type my recipient's address?
At the checkout.
Is there a message length limit?
Yes, the character limit is 280. There is a character countdown when you begin typing your message so that you can see how many letters you have left.
Is there a cost for this service?
Yes, the handwritten fee is £2.00 per card on top of the cost of your card.
How do I order a handwritten card?
Once you've selected your card, click on the "sending options" box that appears near to your selected card. Pick your option from the drop down list. Type your message in the box that appears. Click the "add to cart" button
How does my card arrive when I select "Handwrite and Send Direct"?
When you select this option, we will personally handwrite your message in your chosen greeting card (the text box for writing your message appears on the page of your chosen card as soon as you select the option "handwrite and send direct"). We then attach the address sticker of your recipient to the front of the card's envelope and post it to your recipient by your chosen shipping method. No other information/invoices/notes are included with the card when you select this option. Just the card with your message handwritten inside.
How does my card arrive when I select "Handwrite and Send to Me"?
When you select "handwrite and send to me" we will handwrite your greeting card for you, we will put the card in its envelope but leave the envelope unsealed (so you can check the message or enclose other items in the envelope when you receive it), and we will send the card back to you in an outer, board backed envelope along with one of our thank you notes.
Can you delay sending my card until a specific date?
Sadly not but we can write a message to your recipient on the envelope that says "Open me on [specified date]" If you'd like us to do this for you, please leave a message in the notes box at checkout and we will sort this for you at no extra cost.
Can you write in different languages?
We will write your card in whatever language you choose! We have already written cards in Italian, Spanish, French, German, Finnish, Dutch and Welsh! Our limit is that it must be in the Roman Alphabet, we sadly don't have the time or skills for Hanzi, Cyrillic or excessive emoji's! 😂💩
I want to send several handwritten cards to multiple addresses, can I do that?
Absolutely. At the checkout select the "Ship to multiple addresses" option where you'll be able to add a new address under each of your chosen cards at checkout.
Please make sure your recipient will know who the card is from as it is posted to them without any other order details, and please make sure that your message adheres to our terms and conditions of personalisation.
What does the writing look like?
Something like this:
